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I am so amazed at how I knew the head would roll out of the return before the D.B. was shown. Kudos to the gore-lover in me. =P
Went to a wonderful birthday party last night.
I guess not all memories could be, or are meant to be, captured in photographs and videos. Memories are supposed to be recalled, not saved.
I will do my best to remember. =)
And I think, it is really the time to let go the past and look ahead into the future. I know I have been dwelling on it for so many years.
There is still a hint of reluctance while letting go. But I know I have to.
With that, it's time for me to shape my future.
I guess not all memories could be, or are meant to be, captured in photographs and videos. Memories are supposed to be recalled, not saved.
I will do my best to remember. =)
And I think, it is really the time to let go the past and look ahead into the future. I know I have been dwelling on it for so many years.
There is still a hint of reluctance while letting go. But I know I have to.
With that, it's time for me to shape my future.
I'm officially very, very broke now.
Of course, I know money cannot be used to equate the value of friendship. On one hand, I lost a lot of money. On the other hand, I gain something valuable though intangible.
It is hard to gauge the value of something I can't see. And neither is it easy to gauge the worth of it.
Is it worth it? I have no idea.
People come and go. Maybe there are some which you want them to come and not go.
But really, I still have no idea what I am doing.
Of course, I know money cannot be used to equate the value of friendship. On one hand, I lost a lot of money. On the other hand, I gain something valuable though intangible.
It is hard to gauge the value of something I can't see. And neither is it easy to gauge the worth of it.
Is it worth it? I have no idea.
People come and go. Maybe there are some which you want them to come and not go.
But really, I still have no idea what I am doing.
Finally, the crunch time is over. After 3 weeks of tight deadlines (owing to a few modules who want to simulate tight deadlines in the "real world"), all projects are completed. What is left now are the 2 exams, which I can take 7 days each to study, so I can basically chill for a while now.
And, look for a job. And then, decide ,after almost dying from this semester, if I should continue studying for a year, or call it quits with a system I hate and join yet another system that I hate.
I am clear of the reasons why I wanted to stay another year. but I'm not sure if some of those were practical. But well, that's another worry for another day.
It is indeed worrying that it is now halfway through the 3rd year. Some things felt like they just happened yesterday. It seemed like it was only yesteryear that I did my changing landscape project. And it seemed like I have not known my friends enough yet and now it's another time to bid farewell.
The difficulty of cherishing someone makes bidding farewell even harder. Maybe that's my reluctance to leave.
Or you can say it's my quarter-life crisis now. haha...
######
I saw this MV on a friend's blog. I think this is the most touching versions I've heard.
And, look for a job. And then, decide ,after almost dying from this semester, if I should continue studying for a year, or call it quits with a system I hate and join yet another system that I hate.
I am clear of the reasons why I wanted to stay another year. but I'm not sure if some of those were practical. But well, that's another worry for another day.
It is indeed worrying that it is now halfway through the 3rd year. Some things felt like they just happened yesterday. It seemed like it was only yesteryear that I did my changing landscape project. And it seemed like I have not known my friends enough yet and now it's another time to bid farewell.
The difficulty of cherishing someone makes bidding farewell even harder. Maybe that's my reluctance to leave.
Or you can say it's my quarter-life crisis now. haha...
######
I saw this MV on a friend's blog. I think this is the most touching versions I've heard.
从那遥远海边慢慢消失的你
本来模糊的脸竟然渐渐清晰
想要说些什麽又不知从何说起
只有把它放在心底
茫然走在海边看那潮来潮去
徒劳无功想把每朵浪花记清
想要说声爱你却被吹散在风里
猛然回头你在那里
如果大海能够唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事你已不再留恋
就让它随风飘远
如果大海能够带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤
所有流过的泪
我的爱
请全部带走
I think one of the most encouraging thing in studies is to see good results obtained in return for your effort, or praises from your lecturer / tutor. It indicates that hard work is still an essential element for success.
But not for me this semester. I never see any good results being reciprocated by the amount of hard work I put in. To make things worse, we have to be discouraged by the quote "some people are just more competent than the others".
Truth be told, there is nothing wrong with the sentence. Having been through modules of different genres such as writing, design and research, I know different people have different flairs in different areas. For example, writing is not something that one can acquire overnight, neither is a keen eye or an analytical mind required for research. But discouraging a student who is keen in improving in such a manner is a strict no-no.
So, I was really happy for her when she told me her effort paid off. I could totally feel it.
I really need this kind of encouragement to get me through the next few days. Or at least till Wednesday or Friday. I need that last burst of fire for the remaining assignments: one final essay, one final report and one presentation. Then I can take one or two days breather before chiong-ing for the final two exams. I cannot be discouraged at this moment. The momentum must go on.
I know I have to, and I know I can.
And I hope some things stay the way it is like now. =)
But not for me this semester. I never see any good results being reciprocated by the amount of hard work I put in. To make things worse, we have to be discouraged by the quote "some people are just more competent than the others".
Truth be told, there is nothing wrong with the sentence. Having been through modules of different genres such as writing, design and research, I know different people have different flairs in different areas. For example, writing is not something that one can acquire overnight, neither is a keen eye or an analytical mind required for research. But discouraging a student who is keen in improving in such a manner is a strict no-no.
So, I was really happy for her when she told me her effort paid off. I could totally feel it.
I really need this kind of encouragement to get me through the next few days. Or at least till Wednesday or Friday. I need that last burst of fire for the remaining assignments: one final essay, one final report and one presentation. Then I can take one or two days breather before chiong-ing for the final two exams. I cannot be discouraged at this moment. The momentum must go on.
I know I have to, and I know I can.
And I hope some things stay the way it is like now. =)
I say giving up is the easier choice. And nobody say anything about it being the wrong choice.
So, I might just as well give up.
I don't see why I deserve an honors, and how I can go about getting it. Just a glance around and I see dozens of people who are more competent.
To quote my tutor, "some people are just more competent." Well, what an encouragement really.
I am really tired. I have specially crammed this semester up to see how far I can pull through. It seems like I'm nearing the max, if not already hit it.
It is difficult not to give up, really. Ok. I'm emo-ing.
So, I might just as well give up.
I don't see why I deserve an honors, and how I can go about getting it. Just a glance around and I see dozens of people who are more competent.
To quote my tutor, "some people are just more competent." Well, what an encouragement really.
I am really tired. I have specially crammed this semester up to see how far I can pull through. It seems like I'm nearing the max, if not already hit it.
It is difficult not to give up, really. Ok. I'm emo-ing.
张信哲--白月光
白月光 心里某个地方
那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤
想隐藏 却欲盖弥彰
白月光 照天涯的两端
在心上 却不在身旁
擦不干 你当时的泪光
路太长 追不回原谅
你是我 不能言说的伤
想遗忘 又忍不住回想
像流亡 一路跌跌撞撞
你的捆绑 无法释放
白月光 照天涯的两端
越圆满 越觉得孤单
擦不干 回忆里的泪光
路太长 怎么补偿
白月光 心里某个地方
那么亮 却那么冰凉
每个人 都有一段悲伤
想隐藏 却在生长
This is my MSN display pic:
If only I had a gun.
If only I had a gun.
I have been listening to this very often for the past few days. I thought that their vocals are very sweet and soothing, especially amidst the stressful workload that I'm dealing with now. Enjoy!
Officially Missing You
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially
[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you
[Chorus]
It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially
[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you
[Chorus]
It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you
I used to think I could write. Not the very-well type, but at least better than average. Or at least average.
If I said getting consecutive C's didn't make me reconsider my ego one bit, I'd be lying.
It's so demoralizing that whenever I started writing on any essay, the C alphabet is subconsciously appearing on the screen.
Because to me, B is average. C means "You are fucked up".
If I said getting consecutive C's didn't make me reconsider my ego one bit, I'd be lying.
It's so demoralizing that whenever I started writing on any essay, the C alphabet is subconsciously appearing on the screen.
Because to me, B is average. C means "You are fucked up".
I'm suffocating. I really am.
To a point that even the word "suffocating" has no meaning. It's an understatement. It's beyond comprehension. Well, the situation is just too overwhelming that it's an insult to merely use the word.
Things are so bad today. I fish through the whole Internet for one whole day searching for relevant stuff for 2 modules and found nothing. It's either there is really nothing, or I'm a sucker at searching for information.
I choose to blame it on China's stringent and non-beneficial censorship and the lack of juiciness in Singapore's tabloid news.
I really want to die. No jokes.
I know I'm trying too hard to reach that 4th year. I can almost attribute my reasons for wanting an Honors to mostly childish reasons. I don't deserve it really.
In fact, for someone who don't even deserve university education based on his lousy grades, I think I should be proud coming this far with these achievements.
At least I've proven that I'm not someone who could only scored C's or failed his work. I've shown that A's are possible in my life. Not one. But a reasonably few. And I know that people would not doubt these A's, because there are no answer booklets which I might have copied the answers from.
Well, maybe I'm just not cut out to be the kind of great person. I've been hit more times than I've had any achievements.
Perhaps those will come later for me. But it's hard to have outstanding people around you, getting things without much difficulties, and yet you have to be the one who is struggling, gasping for air.
You know, I'm just tired okay? There's a time when fuel will run out in my life. And I think it's now.
Don't tell me that I still can do it anymore. I've reached that breaking point.
To a point that even the word "suffocating" has no meaning. It's an understatement. It's beyond comprehension. Well, the situation is just too overwhelming that it's an insult to merely use the word.
Things are so bad today. I fish through the whole Internet for one whole day searching for relevant stuff for 2 modules and found nothing. It's either there is really nothing, or I'm a sucker at searching for information.
I choose to blame it on China's stringent and non-beneficial censorship and the lack of juiciness in Singapore's tabloid news.
I really want to die. No jokes.
I know I'm trying too hard to reach that 4th year. I can almost attribute my reasons for wanting an Honors to mostly childish reasons. I don't deserve it really.
In fact, for someone who don't even deserve university education based on his lousy grades, I think I should be proud coming this far with these achievements.
At least I've proven that I'm not someone who could only scored C's or failed his work. I've shown that A's are possible in my life. Not one. But a reasonably few. And I know that people would not doubt these A's, because there are no answer booklets which I might have copied the answers from.
Well, maybe I'm just not cut out to be the kind of great person. I've been hit more times than I've had any achievements.
Perhaps those will come later for me. But it's hard to have outstanding people around you, getting things without much difficulties, and yet you have to be the one who is struggling, gasping for air.
You know, I'm just tired okay? There's a time when fuel will run out in my life. And I think it's now.
Don't tell me that I still can do it anymore. I've reached that breaking point.
Oh yea. This is bad.
Because the assignments for one module are not evenly distributed throughout the semester, I am going to have a hectic two weeks or more. And I have no idea where to get breaking news from.
Is anyone going to jump down anywhere soon or what? Call me before you jump.
Ah no. I'll never capitalize on someone else's misfortune for my own grades. Maybe I'll jump down and benefit my friends. For the benefit of all good. Hur hur...
2 news articles, 2 small assignments, 1 25-pages report, 3 presentations, 2 final projects, 1 3000-words essay, queuing up waiting to see if I'm done before they would be done. It's week 9 already. 4 more weeks to the last deadlines.
FUCK. Hell yeah. FUCK big time.
Because the assignments for one module are not evenly distributed throughout the semester, I am going to have a hectic two weeks or more. And I have no idea where to get breaking news from.
Is anyone going to jump down anywhere soon or what? Call me before you jump.
Ah no. I'll never capitalize on someone else's misfortune for my own grades. Maybe I'll jump down and benefit my friends. For the benefit of all good. Hur hur...
2 news articles, 2 small assignments, 1 25-pages report, 3 presentations, 2 final projects, 1 3000-words essay, queuing up waiting to see if I'm done before they would be done. It's week 9 already. 4 more weeks to the last deadlines.
FUCK. Hell yeah. FUCK big time.
I watch this clip everyday to remind myself to be contented with the simple things in life. Life is good only if you think it's good. =)
P.S. 有這種女朋友最好 =X
P.S. 有這種女朋友最好 =X
Saw this while blog hopping. Thought it was pretty meaningful. Love is just not reciprocal, isn't it?
从前，有一只黑色的小猫叫阿狸，他把自己夹在晾衣服绳上，想把耳朵拉长。
但是，那只兔子并不爱他。兔子喝n加仑的咖啡，听摇滚high歌，几天几夜的不睡觉。
但是，熊猫一点也不care他。熊猫把5彩的油彩涂在身上。
但是，鹦鹉觉得熊猫一点儿也没品位。鹦鹉学游泳，争取每天憋气能多一分钟。
阿狸因为挂的时间太长，挂了……
所以，后面的每一段爱情故事就这样循环的悲伤下去……
If you think e-learning week allows students to be more relaxed because they can stay at home and study at their own pace, THINK TWICE.
For the Einstein module, the lecture on Monday was replaced by readings that will be INCLUDED in the test on Thursday.
And for the PR module, the lecture is going to be replaced by a 2 hour forum discussion at the actual time slot, meaning that webcast lectures have to be viewed at extra time prior to that 2-hour slot.
And what good is it to mock an epidemic situation when students still have to return to school for tutorials?
It defeats the purpose! 要做就要彻彻底底地做！
And not forgetting I have not touched my 5 individual assignments and 4 group projects. GG.
Workload for this semester respects the infinity graph.
For the Einstein module, the lecture on Monday was replaced by readings that will be INCLUDED in the test on Thursday.
And for the PR module, the lecture is going to be replaced by a 2 hour forum discussion at the actual time slot, meaning that webcast lectures have to be viewed at extra time prior to that 2-hour slot.
And what good is it to mock an epidemic situation when students still have to return to school for tutorials?
It defeats the purpose! 要做就要彻彻底底地做！
And not forgetting I have not touched my 5 individual assignments and 4 group projects. GG.
Workload for this semester respects the infinity graph.
Finally caught up with Jie after almost one year, and finally tried Sushi Tei. Went to the Raffles City Shopping Centre outlet, which was unexpectedly comfortable with a well-lit ambiance. The seats were nicely partitioned up so that there were sufficient privacy for the consumers. The food was nice and reasonably priced – in fact, I consider them cheap given the ambiance and the quality of the food. Nice is really an understatement for the place.
And yes, if you are reading this, I hope the next meeting will not be one year later too. =) One dinner per year is really not enough. Let's meet again soon!
After about one or two days of relaxing, it’s really time to get back on track. I feel reluctant to pick up the momentum again, and I guess I’ve lost that momentum. The 2nd half of the semester is a more hectic one, and I had better get started soon. First thing first, the Einstein test on Thursday must be conquered without any slack.
But first, I finally know what the hoo-haa is about this group and the song. The girls are so cute, especially the one at 0:36 haha! Pardon me I don’t mean to sound like some horny old man… and I’m not. I just found it amidst some YouTube surfing and blog hopping while I’m stuck at the torturous physics formulas.
Enjoy!
I guess I was kinda lucky today... =)
Everything went smooth. There was almost no traffic light along the way. No human jams. And I reach school within 1hour's time.
And I got an A for a news assignment. The comments for the assignment were superb. And I was lucky in a way. Because initially a couple of us had no idea what direction and angle did the tutor want. And apparently, my article is the one that hit the jackpot. Whether its hard work or luck, I don't know. But it made my day. =D
I really need this kind of encouragement sometimes, indicating that hard work do pay off occasionally. Not like some other modules, which got me a C- grade (hello that is almost equivalent to fail! and I don't think I'm that bad!).
And It was kind of assuring to have a F2F talk rather than over MSN. Well, even a denial with a smile can be assuring too. Heh that's why they taught us in the first module that IM could not provide cues that would otherwise be present in F2F.
An expression during F2F clears it all. No more frustrations. No more 钻牛角尖.
How I wish everyday could be like today...=X
Everything went smooth. There was almost no traffic light along the way. No human jams. And I reach school within 1hour's time.
And I got an A for a news assignment. The comments for the assignment were superb. And I was lucky in a way. Because initially a couple of us had no idea what direction and angle did the tutor want. And apparently, my article is the one that hit the jackpot. Whether its hard work or luck, I don't know. But it made my day. =D
I really need this kind of encouragement sometimes, indicating that hard work do pay off occasionally. Not like some other modules, which got me a C- grade (hello that is almost equivalent to fail! and I don't think I'm that bad!).
And It was kind of assuring to have a F2F talk rather than over MSN. Well, even a denial with a smile can be assuring too. Heh that's why they taught us in the first module that IM could not provide cues that would otherwise be present in F2F.
An expression during F2F clears it all. No more frustrations. No more 钻牛角尖.
How I wish everyday could be like today...=X
Woohoo! CSI Season 10 is back finally after almost 1 year!
The first episode started with a blast, with a nice balance between crime scene investigation, criminal psychology, action, motives and relationships. And what more: Sara is back! This is much better than Season 9, which was more of an account of Grissom's departure and Ray's joining of the team.
Haha! What more can there be to get a CSI fan all excited again! =D
The first episode started with a blast, with a nice balance between crime scene investigation, criminal psychology, action, motives and relationships. And what more: Sara is back! This is much better than Season 9, which was more of an account of Grissom's departure and Ray's joining of the team.
Haha! What more can there be to get a CSI fan all excited again! =D
A big thank you for all those who remembered my birthday and wished me a good day. From Facebook, MSN, SMS and via actual calls. I was touched by the number of wishes, and also by people whom I never expected the wishes to come from. Although I spent that day hard at work with no celebration, it was still a wonderful birthday.
Greatly appreciated! =)
Of course, there are disappointments, huge ones maybe, but well, I'll try to forget them, even though forgetting is not my forte.
Term break this time round is a super hectic one, with almost everyday spent on doing issue tracking and trying to standardize the project. A large part of it is still undone, so I forsee much to be done tml. Since Wednesday is the D-Day, with a final report and a presentation.
Can't believe there's a freaking part 2 project following the same one. =X
But at least it's not all work and no play. Went with Kelly to this Okinawa restaurant (I believe it's this link). It has an authentic Japanese decor, somewhat like traditional shops in Japan you see on TV, where Japanese would go to for Shoju or Sake after work. The furnitures are simple, but it is this simplicity that makes the ambiance relaxing and authentic. The mood and setting alone should be worth the money - a nice setting for gathering with friends.
After that, went to Haato/Gelato for ice-cream, which sells ice-creams of unique flavors... somewhat like Island Creamery. But I feel that the taste is much stronger, which makes it a plus point over the latter (in terms of taste). Among the flavours, I'm strongly addicted to Rum & Raisins, which tasted quite strong. Green Tea flavor is quite strong too, not to my liking, but definitely a must try for those who love the authentic Japanese Green Tea taste.
I know I have repetitive words anyway, and the whole post sounds incoherent. But heck, I'm tired.
And Yes. Somehow I'm craving for Japanese food still. Passed by Sun with Moon but didn't get to try (cos slightly expensive this time round). Shall try it next time. =D
Greatly appreciated! =)
Of course, there are disappointments, huge ones maybe, but well, I'll try to forget them, even though forgetting is not my forte.
Term break this time round is a super hectic one, with almost everyday spent on doing issue tracking and trying to standardize the project. A large part of it is still undone, so I forsee much to be done tml. Since Wednesday is the D-Day, with a final report and a presentation.
Can't believe there's a freaking part 2 project following the same one. =X
But at least it's not all work and no play. Went with Kelly to this Okinawa restaurant (I believe it's this link). It has an authentic Japanese decor, somewhat like traditional shops in Japan you see on TV, where Japanese would go to for Shoju or Sake after work. The furnitures are simple, but it is this simplicity that makes the ambiance relaxing and authentic. The mood and setting alone should be worth the money - a nice setting for gathering with friends.
After that, went to Haato/Gelato for ice-cream, which sells ice-creams of unique flavors... somewhat like Island Creamery. But I feel that the taste is much stronger, which makes it a plus point over the latter (in terms of taste). Among the flavours, I'm strongly addicted to Rum & Raisins, which tasted quite strong. Green Tea flavor is quite strong too, not to my liking, but definitely a must try for those who love the authentic Japanese Green Tea taste.
I know I have repetitive words anyway, and the whole post sounds incoherent. But heck, I'm tired.
And Yes. Somehow I'm craving for Japanese food still. Passed by Sun with Moon but didn't get to try (cos slightly expensive this time round). Shall try it next time. =D
Someday, I would like to NOT smile when I'm happy, not include smileys in emails and MSN to fake the depression on the other side of the computer, and not reply "it's ok" in SMS when it's really not ok.
Smiling, crapping and laughing doesn't mean I'm showing you the real me. Sometimes, it's scary to think that I'm wearing multiple masks at every minute of the day.
And well, I kind of understand I'm not good enough for anyone. So, maybe that's why I try to think that it's ok for everything that sucks.
After all, the word "perfect" is never a description that fits me since the beginning. Not even the word "good "comes anywhere near.
But it really makes me feel better this way. That if I failed in anything, it will be the best excuse for me.
You were never good nor blessed. So how could you expect better things to befall on you? Good things are meant for others. Take a big stride, have a big heart. Don't take matters too hard. Life goes on.
Sadistic it might be. But it's really better thinking this way.
Oh wells, how bad could life be when you are already expecting the worst? And by the way...
祝我生日快乐。 （我对自己说）=P
I remembered after all.
Smiling, crapping and laughing doesn't mean I'm showing you the real me. Sometimes, it's scary to think that I'm wearing multiple masks at every minute of the day.
And well, I kind of understand I'm not good enough for anyone. So, maybe that's why I try to think that it's ok for everything that sucks.
After all, the word "perfect" is never a description that fits me since the beginning. Not even the word "good "comes anywhere near.
But it really makes me feel better this way. That if I failed in anything, it will be the best excuse for me.
You were never good nor blessed. So how could you expect better things to befall on you? Good things are meant for others. Take a big stride, have a big heart. Don't take matters too hard. Life goes on.
Sadistic it might be. But it's really better thinking this way.
Oh wells, how bad could life be when you are already expecting the worst? And by the way...
祝我生日快乐。 （我对自己说）=P
I remembered after all.
I want to write an emo post before I hit the sack. Because celestial music makes me emo. And I've been thinking a lot these days.
Well maybe, as I get older, birthdays are not a sign for celebrations, but a time for me to reflect what I had done in the past many years. I have been spending many of these years alone, and I think I most probably will, again, this year.
Have very much wanted to ask someone out this year. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge a person's significance only when she is not frequent-ing your life as much as before.
Oh well, but I most probably won't ask. Cos I'll most probably forget my birthday. Almost did last year. And I know I will this year. Amidst the heavy workload, I could never remember any dates since the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes, I wonder why should I be slogging so hard for. I knew I wanted new media cos that was an interesting topic. And now, being the 3rd year, so far into the line, I realized I have no faith in me excelling in the market. And so, why the hard work when you know you do not have a flair in this arena?
I'm truly tired. Because I see nothing in front of me. The path seems to have ended. Even if I were to tread on, it would be a blurry path, and I am really not sure which path to take, if there were any.
So, does it mean it is okay to end the path now?
It's a question I've been contemplating for a long time. What's the significance of 23 years, if the many years to come would be exactly the same as the past 23 years?
Yes. I'm really tired of living. Yet afraid of death. Signs. The paradox of life.
Well maybe, as I get older, birthdays are not a sign for celebrations, but a time for me to reflect what I had done in the past many years. I have been spending many of these years alone, and I think I most probably will, again, this year.
Have very much wanted to ask someone out this year. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge a person's significance only when she is not frequent-ing your life as much as before.
Oh well, but I most probably won't ask. Cos I'll most probably forget my birthday. Almost did last year. And I know I will this year. Amidst the heavy workload, I could never remember any dates since the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes, I wonder why should I be slogging so hard for. I knew I wanted new media cos that was an interesting topic. And now, being the 3rd year, so far into the line, I realized I have no faith in me excelling in the market. And so, why the hard work when you know you do not have a flair in this arena?
I'm truly tired. Because I see nothing in front of me. The path seems to have ended. Even if I were to tread on, it would be a blurry path, and I am really not sure which path to take, if there were any.
So, does it mean it is okay to end the path now?
It's a question I've been contemplating for a long time. What's the significance of 23 years, if the many years to come would be exactly the same as the past 23 years?
Yes. I'm really tired of living. Yet afraid of death. Signs. The paradox of life.
